Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Today's saying: "Give a man a fish he'll eat for a day, Give a man many fishes he'll eat for a lot longer than a day. Maybe several weeks. It depends how many fish you gave him really."
Thursday, August 12, 2010
- The Rolly Rue
- The Flippity Do Doe
- The head over hand over hand over foot foot
- The Mustard Gas Dash
- The Dippsey Doodle
- The Wheel Cart
- The Car Tire
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Sprinkles are good on a lot things, but they're bad on a lot of things too. Like these things:
- Really bad cake (waste of sprinkles)
- On dessert of last meal of death row convict (they don't really deserve sprinkles*)
- The bowl of sprinkles you're eating (that's enough sprinkles now)
- Grease fire (It will only make the fire worse, use an extinguisher with fire retardant foam)
- You're paint ball opponent (if you're out of paint balls, just call it a day)
- Your salad (sprinkles are neither a bacon bit substitute or a lettuce substitute (if poured on bacon bits))
- An open wound (Disregard if you are participating in a fester contest)
- Cake at a funeral (Someone's going to take a look at all those happy sprinkles and burst into tears)
Monday, August 9, 2010
Interviewer: "Listen, if you could not type what I'm saying that would be great....all right you proved your point, you're a great stenographer, you're hired, welcome aboard...please stop...I get it, you can type what people say, great...this interview is over. You got the job. See you tomorrow....please leave........alright, this isn't going to work out. Job offer rescinded...security could you please come up here?....security is coming....any moment now...please stop typing..........Security please escort this man from the building....just take the stenograph from him...peal off his fingers....that's quite the grip...okay try the other hand the one doing the typiasdfkl;ja;j;;fj...stop his nose from pressing the keys asd;kf;fadsfkl;weewr....you know what, no. Security let him stay. He has tenacity. The kind I like to see around here. You're hired again! I'm not going to say anything else....I'm going for lunch."
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
It is hard to know where to put fork. Below I provide many.
- Left of plate
- Between fork of earlier course and later course
- In enemy's eye
- In mouth with delicious eye
- Reflecting booming laughter one foot from mouth
- Pointed at stammering minion
- Slammed into table after exclaiming an angry, almost musical, "What!?"
- Twirling on fingers while laughing at funny entertainment men.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
- With two pencils under upper lip
- With two popcicle sticks under upper lip
- With two carrot sticks under upper lip
- With two quarter cup butter sticks under upper lip
- With a hallowed out stuffed walrus you can get inside of
- With a fun house "walrus mirror" and two pencils under upper lip
- With a steady diet of fast and processed foods
- Here's my card, I need a whisper like yours in my roster.
- The keynote speaker was great, I could barely hear him.
- Really good layout this year. I loved the library theme.
- Pss Psss Psss Pss Pss
- That movie "Whisper Force" looks awesome.
- Yeah, the trailer had the voice volume I like in a movie, but we'll see, they usually save the best parts for the trailer.
- Do you know where the men's room is? Oh no my micro phone was on when I whispered that!
- All that whispering has me hankering for a Whisper Whopper.
- I didn't like how the janitor didn't whisper when I asked for directions.